A half a bottle of Zinfandel and a Barry White album later, and I think I'm pleased with how my Baby's birthday gift turned out.
It's a love letter. I am going to have this embossed in a plate of 24 karat gold, and will present it to her tonight when I take her out to eat at her favorite Mexican restaurant. Nothing like a few sappy words and a romantic, muy caliente dinner to get a lady to warm up to you, after all, heheheh...
My Darling Wife,
Allow me to be straight with you. You're only in my mind on 2 occasions:
24 hours a day
7 days a week
You are my heart, my soul, my everything. No matter how many years pass, despite any errant strands of grey, tiny lines blemishing your perfect face, or even the varicose veins that will one day decorate your creamy thighs, you will always be the hot little piece of ass that I met and got drunk with that night of your 20th birthday.
Oh and what a birthday that was. Damn, Baby! Thinking back to that makes me want to make mad, passionate love to you. I want to do it to you nice and slow, just the way you like it. Doggy style.
I sometimes think back to what a lucky old coot I was to have met you, true, you were so different then, and yet here we are 9 years later, and to me, you're still the same delicate little flower who took me home drunk that one night. Sure, you're a few years older, no longer a clumsy girl with a glint of sadness and lonliness in those pretty brown eyes. Now every morning I wake up next to a woman, graceful, refined, the kind of maternal goddess that the ancients worshipped in days of yore.
That is what you are to me, and this is all I ever need.
I think I'll buy her some diamond earrings as well, just in case she doesn't appreciate this gesture. Women are strange like that. You can never predict how they'll react to these things!